Do we ever get over our childrens diagnoses ????????

New Years Eve it will be 9months to the day that Butterfly got diagnosed with Autism. 31th March `09 - June `09 i was a mess but then i reached a turning point and gave up work to concentrate more on her and boy has she come on, hence July `09 -DEC `09 I'm on a high and the world is my daughters oyster.
But the last 2 weeks something is slowly happening, i don't know what and its nothing major but really small things like she is starting to go back into herself, not listening, saying one thing but meaning another, meltdowns are becoming more frequent again, As a mother i say to myself am a actually seeing it or is it in my mind or is it because I'm not treating her the way I'm suppose to. The list is endless.......



deep breathes / Check
Count to 10 / Check
Meltdowns / Check
not listening / Check




I am starting to understand how easy it is that couples split up and am grateful that autimom & autidad seem to be still on the same page but boy its hard. My problem is she wont look, talk r want anything to do with Autidad if I'm in the house and he is gutted by this and she will swing around my leg constantly trying to get my attention from morning til night and if she wants anything even if he is in the same room its always me she tracks down but yet if I'm not at home the report i get from autidad is that they are best friends. This is the 1 thing i hate and even spending days away nothing changes, i do love being with her and at times she is so so good but i sometimes find myself wondering if its as suffocating for her just as much as it is for me.

Hope it is a phase, but then again nothing is a phase with kids on the spectrum. That just makes them who they are and i think il just have to get a magic mirror and practise saying that every so often

Christmas Already !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I'm writing this I'm still in utter shock that's its now Dec and Christmas day is getting closer and closer. I know that its the same time every year but it feels as if some one has brought it earlier.

Normally I'm very good for getting my presents and having them wrapped by the 1st weekend in Dec but this year it seems as my mind still thinks it Autumn & Christmas is far away when in fact its less than 3 weeks away.

Food wise I'm OK as I'm having dinner in my mothers, which my husband is thrilled as he knows that i can barely cook a full chicken not a mind a turkey and I'm the 1st person to admit that my culinary skill are not the best even my closet friends would agree with me...besides i love being there with all my family.

I think if some one bottled and sold motivation then they would be a millionaire and i would be the 1st person to subscribe annually and id probably get the diamond subscription or whatever is the highest form.

My sisters and i are doing Christmas cringle this year so its just one person as parents are money, hubby is sorted too just need to get Charlene`s but haven't got a clues as we are changing our minds as to what we like, it used to be peppa, then dora now its mickey mouse so it will probably be something Disney.

So now all i need is motivation........any one got a number for Mr motivator ???

To Where it all Started.....part 3

The year 04 was relatively quiet, tried IUI a few times with no luck, there were good days and bad days. Then before i knew it we were going into `05. We had 1 more try at IUI in April and we were supposed to be starting IVF in the Sept but we were thinking of holding off til Jan `06.

After a very long chat with Hubby, In the end i decided to take a 6 month break in trying and concentrate on me, i had been invited to my best friends wedding in Australia in Dec 05 so i thought why not go, hubby couldn't make it so i roped in my mam & eldest sister to travel with me, i had visions of being Kylie from neighbours, i lost loads of weight and in middle of June 05 i booked the 3 of our flights, so thought woo ho Australia at Xmas and their summertime, here i come.




Fast forward 4 weeks and a 1st response stick in my hand and low and behold I'm pregnant. The doc didn't know how far i was gone so had scans done every week and it turned out i conceived around the time i booked my flights to Australia.
A lot of people has said since "see when you least expect it" or "Because you were not stressed about it" my fave was the "because you lost weight it happened" to be honest deep down i think its prob all the above but mostly it really is "a hit or miss" as a very wise nurse who works in the fertility department told me years ago.

Anyway back to my dilemma, i figured out that if i went i would be 25wk pregnant going and id be 28 weeks coming back. So after a long heart to heart with hubby i went and spoke to my GP & gyny about my impending trip, i told them that i really liked to still go and was it possible, to my amazement they both said yes as long as baby was fine and i had normal blood pressure and healthy. I had a whole speech in my mind cos i thought they would be dead against it, the only thing was the day before i was flying out i had to have a medical to determine my boarding status.

So now all i had to do was have a few scans every few weeks to make sure the pregnancy was going fine, i was so relieved after each 1 and my due date was for Mar `06.

All too soon my medical was on top of me, i was flying out to Australia on the 6Th of Dec, had my bags ready, passport and money ready too. So early on the 5Th i went to see my gyny to have the tests done, blood test, scan, blood pressure etc etc after bout 2hrs, i was getting nervous in waiting room, Thinking is he going to give me the letter and let me fly or will he tell me i cant. i can see hubby was nervous too. Finally the receptionist called our names and we went in and sat down facing my gyny......and which turned out to be green for go. Now mind you i would never recomend flying that far and i dont think id do it again, 1 hr to London, 15hrs to Kuala Lumpa, 8hrs to Sydney then a 2hr drive to NSW, all in 1 day as i knew if i stayed over for a few days id prob never get back on to my destination. Of course me bein new to pregnancy i though id get the royal treatment, even thinking to myself i might get upgraded to 1st class but no such thing, as im not the 1st pregnant lady to fly and wont be the last.....